IF ONLY

Ten years ago, I was in the same position as anybody else. I had to choose the prerequisite to my ‘career’. And as anybody else, I opted for engineering. So I spent a good four years trying to integrate and differentiate, learn ‘famous’ names like Fourier and Laplace, understand the logic behind a Turbo Machine, an IC engine and numerous other godforsaken pieces of machinery! The professor whom I loathed the most used to say, ‘You will like engineering only if you can relate it to your real life!’ Refrigeration? Okay. I Get it. But how thermodynamics is going to affect my eating and sleeping habits, I would wonder.

Four years passed by even before I could derive any sense out of the several laws, theories and protocols I had learnt! Apart from academics, which otherwise deserves a minimal reference, I had a healthy ‘social’ life. I had made a lot of friends. My best friend, Abhay had asked me out then. I had said no, for I did like him, but not enough to go out with him. He took it well, I guess, and we remained ‘good friends’ even after that. In my final semester, I got myself a decent job related to my branch of engineering. I worked for three years after which I did my MBA in MDI, Gurgaon and got married. I met my, now husband, there. I was happy with him, I guess.

One fine evening, I left work early and decided to walk home instead of taking the office cab. I heard a man’s voice call out my name. I turned around and it was Abhay. I was both surprised and delighted. I was seeing him after around (about) five years. I don’t know why I never bothered to keep in touch with him after college. He was looking good in a black t-shirt (black was his favorite color) and a pair of jeans. He told me that he was working for an NGO. I knew he would end up doing something of that sort because he was always very passionate about people and humanity! I then apprised him of my whereabouts. His face was expressionless, I didn’t understand why. He invited me over to his apartment. I went.

We ate and talked. It felt just like the old times. Then Abhay asked me as to what happened to my career in singing. I was taken aback for that was something I had told him a long time ago, when we were in our first semester and he still remembered it! I dint talk for the next five minutes because I actually didn’t have an answer to his question. I loved to sing, yes, I even wanted to take it up as profession after college. But I never did. Abhay didn’t prod me further for he knew me just too well.

I asked him as to why he hadn’t got married as yet. There was a long pause. He came, sat next to me, took my hands in his, looked straight into my eyes and said softly, ‘Simply because I never stopped loving you.’ My heart skipped a beat. I somehow didn’t see that coming. He continued, ‘I am sorry for not remaining in contact with you for all these years. I was occupied with chasing my dream. I really thought you would too. . I was in town today and wanted to meet you to. . .’ He gasped for breath and resumed ‘to propose to you. I know it’s too late, but I had to!’ I was at a loss for words. The life I had built so far came crashing down. I always thought I was doing the ‘right’ thing when it came to choosing a career, friends or a life partner! Life was more complex than I had thought. At that point, I felt much wretched and helpless. I wanted to hold Abhay in my arms and not leave him ever. I closed my eyes as I wept. I planted a kiss on Abhay’s lips and left the apartment. I never saw him again...

It's often said that life is a loophole. That once you enter the complexity of it, you can’t get out easily. And sometimes revolving round this loophole, we forget the simple rules of survival. And soon this becomes an ordeal, leading us back to square one where we started. It is true when they say; life comes to a full circle. And most often, we just walk the brusque periphery, searching for so-called center.

(Footnote : I had framed this story for a story-writing competition wherein the ending was given. Here the ending is the last paragraph.)